Hi friends,
It was my birthday on April 11. That’s right, I turned 36.
If you have been reading my wellness blog for a while you’ll know that holding a picnic is my birthday tradition. I love this time of the year not only because it's my birthday, but also because spring is the time of new beginnings and nature's way of saying, "Let's play!”
This year, because of the surreal situation (aka Covid-19) the world has found itself in, I didn't think I could uphold my yearly tradition. Fortunately, life in Shanghai as of April has been slowly returning to “normal”. For this reason, I not only got to have a picnic, hang out with people I love, play games, and bask in those much-needed sun rays, but also I got to pig out on my fave food.
On the morning of the birthday picnic, I got creative in the kitchen and made a paleo-friendly cake. My new creation got a thumbs up from friends, so the recipe is at the bottom of this article.
Now back to the juicy parts of the blog, aka… the lesson
The biggest lesson I’m bringing forward is to greet my feelings as friends rather than as a monster ready to devour me.
The truth is that the role of feelings is often over-glamorised in Western psychology. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that feelings aren’t important, they are very important indeed, but they need to be understood as feelings and not as something that defines us and dictates how we are going to show up in life. We need to stop over-identifying ourselves with our feelings. Remember you are having a feeling… but you are NOT your feeling.
The key lesson is to create a separation between our feelings, and who we are at our core (soul level). I am definitely not my feelings and neither are you. For example, when you catch yourself saying “I’m sad”, that’s not accurate and it’s important to paraphrase it to: “I am having a feeling called sadness”. Sadness, just like any other feeling, just wants to come in and be acknowledged for what it is, aka a feeling, and not a scary monster. Once it has been acknowledged for what it is, it wants to leave as it has served its purpose. But what usually happens is that when a negative feeling comes in, whether it be “sadness”, “anxiety”, or “depression”, we start to panic: “Oh shit! something is wrong, my stomach feels weird, my palms are sweaty, oh I can’t take it! Ahhhh I need to numb it somehow, let me just eat, drink, watch Netflix, scroll social media, sleep - anything so I don’t have to deal with it.” As you can imagine when “sadness” gets that kind of response from us it becomes bigger, bigger and bigger and our biggest fear of being consumed by that monster of a feeling becomes the reality. When we react in this way we allow our emotions to overtake us and our reality starts to organise itself in a way that matches the vibrational frequency of that feeling.
Because society has been over -glamorising positive feelings and “demonising” negative feelings, the message we received as children was that some emotions are totally unacceptable in society, so we label them as bad and pretend they are not there. And that is the message that needs to be changed. By giving our feelings such an important place we have put them in the driver’s seat of our life. Most of us can only show up fully in life when we feel happy, grateful and joyful, but because life is both pleasure and pain, this means we don't live half of the time. We are so sacred to feel “negative” feelings that we choose to check out of life instead.
The truth is that a feeling wants to come and go, its function is not just to hang out and devour you. Feelings are vibrations in our bodies that are caused by what we think. Feelings lead to actions, inactions, or reactions… the choice is yours! So if you are feeling “sadness” or having any other negative feeling, acknowledge it and ask yourself “What is this feeling pointing me towards?” You might say, “to the chocolate bar” - well NO it's not pointing you to the chocolate bar, that’s the 5-year-old in you pointing you there. Ask yourself again. “What is this feeling pointing me to as a grown-up?” And then you may find that it's pointing you to reevaluate your life, maybe there is a certain area in your life where you settled for less than you deserve (job, relationship, etc. ), or maybe it’s pointing you to the fact that you need to take better care of your body. And once you get the message, then the "sadness" will say “Excellent! You received my message. I can leave now and I might come back later, but for now, I say “bye” and thank you for listening.” Negative feelings usually point us to places in our life where we are out of alignment so let’s milk those feelings for all the lessons they have to teach us.
Feelings can be an incredible catalyst for change, so just feel them. As the saying goes “what you resist persists”, so don’t bypass your feelings - but also don’t put them in the driver’s seat. Choosing to experience all of the feelings is the ultimate act of self-care. It’s an invitation to be in a relationship with yourself. To really understand what is going on for you.
All in all, I’m definitely not “there” yet, far from it, but I’m willing to put in the work this year and beyond. My future self definitely deserves it.
P.S. I have an upcoming Zoom workshop I’d love to invite you to if you love this type of content and are ready to break free from eating your emotions away.
Iza's Banana Cinnamon Cake
Ingredients:
4 overripe bananas mashed
4 organic free-range eggs
1/2 cup of raw almond butter (you can use peanut butter)
1/2 cup of maple syrup
1 1/2 cups blanched almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1/4 tsp fine grain sea salt
2 tbsp organic Ceylon cinnamon
For the chocolate ganache:
100 g of organic dark chocolate
1/2 cup unsalted butter
2 tbsp of full-fat coconut milk
4 drops of Lemon DoTerra EO
1 banana for decoration
To make the cake:
Preheat your oven to 180 C degrees and line a baking pan with parchment paper on the bottom and up the sides for easy removal.
In a large bowl whisk together all the ingredients.
Spread the batter into the prepared pan.
Bake in the preheated oven for 40 minutes or until the topping is golden brown and a toothpick inserted near the center of the cake comes out with a few crumbs.
Cool the cake in the pan, then remove using the parchment paper and continue to cool.
To make chocolate ganache:
In a small pan combine all the ingredients warm it gently, mix it well and then drizzle over the cake.
I hope you have a few ripe bananas 🍌 ready because it’s TIME to get started with this delish cake – let’s go!
With love,
Iza
Coaching Psychologist and Relationship Coach
selfgrowthcourses.com thriveinshanghai.com