What It Means to Be a Woman Connected to Her Instincts

Happy International Women’s Day to All!

I hope all of you are celebrating this important day and the feminine essence we bring into each and everything we do. To honour this important event, I was inspired to reflect on a book that empowered myself and many women to reconnect with our instinctive nature and the energy that feeds us and makes us strong. This book was written by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD, and to quote her introduction: ‘It is a psychology in its truest sense: psuke/psych, soul; ology or logos, a knowing of the soul.’

Since September, I have been facilitating online and offline workshops based on her book, and together with other women, who, like myself, are ‘seekers’, I dove deep into the depth of psychology, myths, archetypes and symbols contained in this book. This article is a reflection on What It Means to Be a Woman Connected to Her Instincts.

TEND TO YOUR BONES

From the story of La Loba, I learnt that we need to tend to our bones. Bones, in this myth, represent dismembered and seemingly dead aspects of ourselves. Just like La Loba, we, too, must find the bones that are scattered in the desert if we desire wholeness rather than a fragmented life. In our teens and twenties, and seldom in our early thirties, we often try to fit the demands of societal expectations, our family, partner, or the wrong group of friends, which causes us to lose parts of ourselves. Now is the time to find these bones and breathe life into them.

What are the buried bones of your life?

DISMENTAL YOUR PREDATOR

From the story of the Bluebeard, I learnt that we all have an inner predator in our psyche. This innate archetypical force lives in all of us, is against life, and wants to pull us back down into unconsciousness. The predator is what Estes calls an ‘archetypal bandit’ who needs the light of others because he has none of his own. You, too, have heard this very destructive voice that stops you from living your life. When we are not paying attention or are just feeling lazy and letting things slide, our inner predator comes out to play and takes advantage of our weaknesses. Since becoming conscious is hard work, when the predator offers an easy way out, we often take it because it’s easier to stay unconscious, roll over, and go back to sleep. In our teens and twenties, we give something of ourselves up without realising it; we make a bad choice or compromise and take things as they appear. When our inner predator overtakes us, we easily become prey to outer predators, make an unconscious deal, and choose what seems to be an easy life – but it comes with a hidden price. So, where do predators show up most often? Well, in women internal complexes related to body image or some other classic predators, such as ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I am not worthy of this’, ‘I cannot have this or that’, procrastination, perfectionism, defensiveness, or fear of success. In the outer world, it can be seen as a destructive religion, partner, family, culture, etc.

Each time a woman dismantles her predator, she regains vitality, and with that comes a huge sense of liberation and freedom. The only way to dismantle the predator is to recognise it, name it, and then refuse to be side-tracked by your own negative complexes, fears, and doubts. When you notice an inner or outer predator, don’t just try to ignore it or pretend it’s not there; understand what it’s trying to do and refuse to be drawn into its games. The best way to deal with this archetypical force is to be as conscious of what’s happening as possible. The valuable lesson from this chapter is not to lie to yourself about what you’re feeling or doing, but to pay attention, be honest with yourself, and tear them apart with the truth.

What are your inner and outer predators, and how can you dismantle them?

CONNECT WITH YOUR INTUITION

From the story of an old Russian tale, Vasalisa the Wise, I learnt to connect with my intuition daily. Intuition allows us to preserve our relationship with our soul and our deepest desires and allows us to discern what is important, what is not, what is truly nourishing, and what only provides temporary comfort. As women, loving and trusting our intuition is our goal. The more we follow this inner voice, the stronger it becomes. Instead of handing over our choices to our parents, teachers, friends, bosses or psychologists, as women, we need to relearn how to listen to our own inner authority.  Sometimes, listening to this inner authority means dismantling our outer life to preserve our souls and being brave enough to follow what our hearts are truly craving.

What is your relationship with your intuition?

BEING LOVING & FIERCE

Another important lesson from that story is to embody Yaga’s qualities. Baba Yaga, the witch, is fierce, fearless, resourceful and authentically herself. Unconfined by conventions and unafraid to be herself, she does not care whether she is liked or admired. She is fully authentic and does not rely on external validation. When we embody the Yagish qualities, people know not to mess with us or with our creative projects, family, friends, and children. When we are fierce, we don’t stay silent and put ourselves in compromising positions, because we don’t want to rock the boat. When we embody Yagish qualities, we become stronger in spirit and wiser. Being fierce is a quality that hasn’t been actively cultivated in women and has been suppressed in many of us. So yes, we need to cultivate our nourishing, soft, loving qualities, but we also need fierceness, so we don’t let things slide and become enablers of harmful behaviours.

As a woman, how can you hold your fearsomeness together with loving energy?

CREATIVITY AS YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET

Lastly, from La Llarona, I learnt that tending, nourishing and protecting our creative life is one of the most important tasks a woman needs to care for. Wrongly, creativity is often treated like some extra pursuit that only some have the time and space for. As a result, many women (and men) lose touch with their creative power. Dr Clarrisa says that ‘a woman’s creative ability is her most valuable asset’, and I most definitely agree with her. She compares creativity to a river which, if not actively taken care of, becomes poisoned by pollution and eventually becomes stagnant and toxic. When our creative fire is not being used, our internal river of life, which should flow and nourish all other areas of life, becomes tainted, unclear and clogged.

If you are feeling stuck, what do you think poisoned your river? What are your polluters? How can you take your river back?

Being a woman, for me, is truly a blessing. I believe as women, our lives are rich in so many ways. Through friendships, families and our creative lives, we’re able to leave our mark on the world. As women, we need to shine from within and love who we are, not who we think we should be or who we are told to be. I hope the lessons I learnt from Dr Clarrisa will be as valuable to you as they are to me.

Thank you for reading, dear readers, and for supporting my work.

With love,

Iza

Your Coaching Psychologist (GMBPsS & Msc)